Making feedback work, part 1: Use the MORI™ method
Giving feedback is scary when you care
It’s hard to give feedback, and it’s hard to receive it. In fact, as caring humans, our anticipation of the receiver’s response causes us to avoid it – or to avoid doing it well. We want to be liked. We don’t want challenging feedback to challenge our relationships.
The well-known “hamburger” model of feedback (the negative message sandwiched between two positive statements) is designed to accommodate this fear – to put the giver at ease. The hamburger buns – the positive statements – intend to, first, establish rapport and comfort, and, in closing, reestablish it after the hard part is delivered. The giver can feel that they are being kind to the relationship.
The experience of the person receiving hamburger feedback is that they know from the situation that the negative or corrective part is coming. From their perspective, the initial positive statement is filler: “You did well, but….” They are waiting for the “but.”
We want our genuine compliments to be received, to be heard, and not to be used as tools or crutches in giving feedback. According to Gallup, providing recognition for good work is critical both for an individual’s development and for their engagement and performance in their jobs. Therefore, we should not dilute or diminish it by using it as an ineffective buffer for our own feelings. Its use as a bun also then diminishes the effectiveness of other direct, positive feedback, because the receiver may always be waiting for the “but.”
A better approach is to provide feedback directly but to take the feelings out of it. We have all heard the expression “criticize the behavior, not the person,” and in delivering feedback we need to focus on observable behaviors, not personal feelings. I have developed the MORI™ method is a tool that makes providing – and receiving – feedback easier.
The MORI™ method for providing feedback
The MORI™ method has four steps:
Here’s how it works:
Moment. When, precisely, did the behavior occur? As we know, it is best to provide corrective feedback as soon as possible after the event. And if you cannot point to an event – if it is just a feeling – then reconsider raising it.
Observation. What was the observed behavior? Using the literal phrase “I observed” keeps the feedback from becoming personal.
Result. What result did you observe? Was there an impact on how you felt or how work got done? Were there consequences to the action you observed? This is when your own experience first enters the discussion. In order to be constructive, the result should be expressed as your own perspective, and therefore it should use “I” statements.
Inquiry. Check in with the person. Be curious. Were they aware that the observed behavior had that result? Was it their intention? Is there anything that you might be missing in your interpretation of the event?
Inquiry is critical to create space for the lived experience of the person who is receiving the feedback and to clarify misunderstandings. Rather than letting the feedback land with a thud (the thing that many people who give feedback fear), inquiry invites conversation about the situation. Inquiry provides an opportunity to reconnect and deepen the relationship.
Some models of feedback include a step where you say what you wish would happen instead.
I agree that this is an excellent thing to discuss! But I think it is presumptuous to tell someone what you wish would happen before finding out how that person might choose to improve the situation. If they tell you, “I wish I had done things xx way,” and it’s an idea that is the same as yours — or that is better — then you have provided an opportunity for the person to grow and truly learn.
Examples of MORI™ feedback:
In our meeting yesterday, I observed that when I was speaking you sometimes interrupted me. It prevented me from getting my full thoughts out. Are you aware that you were doing that? What do you think was going on there?
I sent you an email with an urgent question last Thursday, and I noticed that you have not yet responded. As a result, I am unable to move forward with planning, and our project may begin to slip behind schedule. Is there something else going on that prevents you from making this a priority?